Pillow Talk
How am I loosing you? ♫
The shuffle setting never seems to agree with me.
I keep trying to listen to all those new songs the cool kids are talking about — you know, the ones that do have an active twitter account — , but this bloody app seems to know where I belong. I think fondly of the age where you would scroll through a thousand songs, and feel like there's nothing worth playing. Now, all the hot releases and all those grammy nominations, can't get me to stop listening to the same 30 fucking songs. Oh, how the summers have gone by — the irony of feeling an old man when you hit your thirties.
Crazy about Elvis ♫
But I feel like all we do is share music…
So for once, I will let the playlist do its thing and tell you some of the few things I've discovered over the past few months. For our time is short, and my memory isn't what it once was. You'll soon learn there's nothing like a good breakup to really snap all those braincells out of place. Am I right, Cornerstone — Arctic Monkeys?
Tell me, have I ever told you about the biggest addiction of my life? It’s not drugs, or porn, and believe or not, I've always sucked at sex. And no, gorgeous, it’s not even alcohol. Sadly, my biggest addiction is sadness.
But I can put my arms around you ♫
I remember that it hurt. Looking at her, hurt.
Those 9 words make the opening lines of my favorite movie.
Every now and then, whenever I feel like picking myself up from the bottom of the well, I stay up late at night, and watch this simple one-hour-and-half movie. I noticed that my addiction compels me to see it, at least, three times a year. Pathetic, isn't it? But hey! We all have our kryptonite — our hapless fantasy. For some, it is The Notebook, others enjoy Bridget Jones Diary, and I remember you crying over P.S. I Love You on those gray days. But I think you will be pleased to see that I've moved on from my One Day phase into something a bit more hopeful. And, as Bill says in the movie, “Younger and dumber model.”
Long journeys wear me out ♫
Damn me, I really miss my AirPods.
Hey, did I ever tell you that I managed to learn that song you always wanted me to play? I wasn’t able to sing along to it, but I hope it makes us even for turning it off on the night we were playing cards at your friend’s house. I often go back to that moment, and feel ashamed of how much of a poser I used to be. But back then I was in the business of impressing people. Now, I’m on the path of meeting impressing people. Who would’ve thought?
Easy come, hard go, then…♫
Wait, if you didn’t know about that, then I never told you that I’ve found the concert we watched together on the living room of my house! Yes, the whole thing is on YouTube. Can you believe it?! I still recall you smiling foolishly as you watched me sing to all those acoustic songs while I was wearing a shirt two sizes too small for me. Would you believe me if I say I still have footage of you dancing over those beige cushions? Is uncanny the details we remember when the months start to go by without a word in between.
Like a tattoo on my waistline ♫
You know, there’s something I never told you. It may seem dumb now, but back in January, I was determined never to come back. I know it sounds harsh, but back then I was a badly hurt, and I turned into a version of myself that could pull me through the chaos. But, going to your house that night, is still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. Things didn’t quite ended the way I thought they would, but I am happy I still have stories to tell you. And who knows, maybe one day we will celebrate Halloween on Christmas.
My T-Shirts always fit you just right ♫
My anxiety has gotten worse, you know?
I know you never believed me, so I’ve chosen not to bother you with it. However, I spend most of my days relieving my past mistakes. I recall most of our former conversations and realize I wasn’t very good at sympathy back then. Shit, you would laugh at the thought of how often I just burst into tears now. I guess being harsh at you was the only defense mechanism I knew to avoid showing how fragile I really am. But I’ve come to learn that we don’t do apologies, apparently. So, let’s hope time finds a way to cross our paths once more.
Don’t get me right, don’t get me wrong ♫
Yes, you heard it right.
I have replaced my traditional habits for meditation, afternoon tea, and Turkish novels. Go ahead and laugh, we both know I’ve wasted my money in worse things than romance and late night snacks. Turns out, we were both wrong about the endings, but one of us has gotta try and keep all those promises intact, right? I know I still have a long way to go, but history seems to have more meaning when your happiness is at stake. So, I still believe in what I told you several months ago. You’ll see — we both know my sixth sense is much better than yours.
Won’t stop until the angels sing ♫
I know you don’t understand. I barely do.
Nights like this, they turn my mind into a void of nostalgia and paranoia. For once, I don’t have explanations or excuses for my behavior, shit I’ve utilized all of them before, so I hardly have any left. Although, it is satisfying to admit I have no use for them anymore. Life is getting simpler, and while my fears are crawling closer, I am learning to live weightless.
I hope someday you can believe such sentence. Miracles do happen, my sister tells me. But for now, I will keep you company in silence. Because you may not dare say the right words, but I know how your tone works.
Didn’t flinch, and the lights didn’t flicker ♫
I guess that’s something to think about, huh?
